I Look Up
All my life I've seen and learned about faith. I have always looked up to Abraham's faith and many other great characters in the Bible who showed extraordinary faith, but I also admire the faith that my parents have. All my life I had depended on my parents faith. Whenever I was sick I would ask them to pray. When our family was going through tough situations, like my dad's heart surgery, I depended on their faith and prayers. I knew God would listen to them. Somehow I had this wrong belief that God wouldn't listen to me because of my mistakes. But then I grew up. I learned that I needed to make my own decision, which I did. At the age of sixteen I decided to give my life to God. (That's a different story for another day). It was then when I also learned I had to exercise my own faith.
Faith is like a muscle. The more you use it, the stronger it will get.
The last years of high school were great. I was in love and it was my first love. I was sharing my faith with people and how God had transformed me and I was very involved at church. But life difficulties came along soon after. I was heading out to college without a dime and my parents had no money to send me to school, especially the school I felt I was called to go.
I remember that day when my parents sat us down and told us, "we don't have money to send you to school" directing that comment to my oldest sister, "especially not two". My mom replied, "the God that you preach will provide". Plain and simple. Not quite, my mom has learned throughout the years to depend on God.
The first year came, my sister and I moved in to dorms, and that was the first step of faith we took. We didn't have money for school, or things for the dorm. But we moved in believing He would provide.
My mom told me that now it was all up to me. I had to get on my knees and pray. "I can do so much", she said, "but now it's up to you. It's your need, ask for it". Not that she wouldn't pray or didn't want to pray, but I needed to learn to depend on something bigger than them. It was time to depend on the Provider. It was time to go directly to the One who could change and do all things.
It took time, many tears, sleepless nights on my knees and a lot of waiting. But every year He came through. I now laugh when I think about all those times He provided the day before the payments were due. He was pushing me and testing me. He was making me stronger for days ahead.
I now have no doubt that "My help comes from the Lord the maker of heaven and earth."
We sometimes put our trust and faith on earthly things which ultimately, at the end of the day, those things will fail us. People will fail us. Although I was not trusting in my parents rather in their faith in God, my faith was in the wrong source. Instead of going directly to the main source I was going to the people who I trusted the most, yet my faith was starving and weak.
When we realize that our help comes from and only from God then all these doubts, insecurities and putting our trust in the wrong things will stop from happening. Everyday is a choice we make. And everyday I have to remind myself what David says in Psalm 121:1 "I lift up my eyes..." and it is there where I find my HOPE, my only HELP.